evil orange plastic ball is in play, but there's nobody to play
it, as only four roadsters braved a heavy snowstorm Sunday to get
to the hockey courts.
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Storm buries courts, and game
by Jay Suburb
A fierce winter storm buried the hockey courts under almost
a foot of snow, and kept most of the roadsters from Sunday's game. But
not all of them.
Four players, Lak Attack, the Living Legend, Billy Idol
and Elvis, braved treacherous roads only to find the courts unplayable.
With only one shovel between them, and snow still falling heavily, there
seemed little point in dropping the evil orange plastic ball.
"When I got here, I couldn't believe the amount of
snow," says Lak Attack.
Sunday's game was the first to be scuttled by weather
since the back-to-back blizzards of '96, when only the Living Legend
and longtime guest roadster, Bubbles Fleming, trudged through two-foot
And though the game didn't go on, the roadsters say it
was important to make an effort.
"I think it's more about keeping the game strong,"
says Lak Attack. "It shows the enthusiasm of all the roadsters
to come out regardless of the weather conditions."
"I think it shows how much the guys love Sunday mornings,"
says notorious gameshow host gone bad, Wink, who was a reluctant refugee
in his suburban condominium, the long drive to the courts too hazardous.
Especially encouraging, say the veteran roadsters, is
the zeal of the two rookies, Billy Idol and Elvis.
"It tells you the strength of the game with the newcomers,"
says Lak Attack. "It really strengthens it, you don't always have
to rely only on the veterans for being out there."
"Those guys have been great additions to the game,
they're keen," says Wink. "The veteran guys have got to have
respect for the newer guys."
And with no game to quench their competitive thirst, the
roadsters says it's going to be a long week until next Sunday.
"It's a big letdown, I was enthusiastic about coming
out to play," says Lak Attack.
"It's gonna be a strange week," says Wink. "There's
gonna be a lot of pent-up tension. Sunday morning is kind of our chance
to unload the worries of the other six days of the week."
With no game to occupy their morning, the roadsters suddenly had to
find new things to do.
"I'm going nuts," said Wink. "I'd never known what was
on tv on Sunday mornings and now I'm finding out. I think this is the
first day in my life I've actually watched the weather channel."
"I think I'll live," said Lak Attack.
If there was a silver lining to the gloomy day, Sunday's weather crisis
helped avert a potential goalie crisis as all three of the regular netminders
had previously announced their intention to stay away. Ottoman was sick,
Pig Farming Goalie had another commitment, and Lobsterboy suddenly put
his playing career on hiatus after a spousal ultimatum.
The creaseminding crustacean's surprise demise stunned the roadsters,
as he announced his furlough only days after issuing a challenge to Pig
Farming Goalie to determine the game's superior shotstopper. But some
of his fellow veterans said they could see it coming.
"The writing was on the wall," said Lak Attack, who'd brought
his own goalie equipment on Sunday in case his shotstopping services were
required. "It was only a matter of time, with all the time
he's been spending in bars. It got out of control, and I don't think he's
gonna be around the game much longer."
"It's just, oh yeah, no big surprise," said Wink. "He's
an oldtimer. He's kinda yesterday's news. He's done a lot of great things
for the game, but he's kind of a used-to-be."
Despite the thinner goaltending ranks, the roadsters remain optimistic
the game will survive Lobsterboy's departure.
"Even with Lobsterboy out, the goaltending has just gotten better,"
said Lak Attack, citing the contributions of the two neophyte netminders,
Ottoman and Pig Farming Goalie. "I think the game is getting a lot
stronger and the goaltending has been a key to that."
"I don't think there are any more goalie crises because we've got
such a good group of guys," said Wink. "There's always somebody
willing to step up and give it their all."