The evil orange plastic ball is in play, but there's nobody to play it, as only four roadsters braved a heavy snowstorm Sunday to get to the hockey courts.


Week 18
S'no game

Storm buries courts, and game

by Jay Suburb

A fierce winter storm buried the hockey courts under almost a foot of snow, and kept most of the roadsters from Sunday's game. But not all of them.

Four players, Lak Attack, the Living Legend, Billy Idol and Elvis, braved treacherous roads only to find the courts unplayable. With only one shovel between them, and snow still falling heavily, there seemed little point in dropping the evil orange plastic ball.

"When I got here, I couldn't believe the amount of snow," says Lak Attack.

Sunday's game was the first to be scuttled by weather since the back-to-back blizzards of '96, when only the Living Legend and longtime guest roadster, Bubbles Fleming, trudged through two-foot drifts.

And though the game didn't go on, the roadsters say it was important to make an effort.

"I think it's more about keeping the game strong," says Lak Attack. "It shows the enthusiasm of all the roadsters to come out regardless of the weather conditions."

"I think it shows how much the guys love Sunday mornings," says notorious gameshow host gone bad, Wink, who was a reluctant refugee in his suburban condominium, the long drive to the courts too hazardous.

Especially encouraging, say the veteran roadsters, is the zeal of the two rookies, Billy Idol and Elvis.

"It tells you the strength of the game with the newcomers," says Lak Attack. "It really strengthens it, you don't always have to rely only on the veterans for being out there."

"Those guys have been great additions to the game, they're keen," says Wink. "The veteran guys have got to have respect for the newer guys."

And with no game to quench their competitive thirst, the roadsters says it's going to be a long week until next Sunday.

"It's a big letdown, I was enthusiastic about coming out to play," says Lak Attack.

"It's gonna be a strange week," says Wink. "There's gonna be a lot of pent-up tension. Sunday morning is kind of our chance to unload the worries of the other six days of the week."

With no game to occupy their morning, the roadsters suddenly had to find new things to do.
"I'm going nuts," said Wink. "I'd never known what was on tv on Sunday mornings and now I'm finding out. I think this is the first day in my life I've actually watched the weather channel."
"I think I'll live," said Lak Attack.

If there was a silver lining to the gloomy day, Sunday's weather crisis helped avert a potential goalie crisis as all three of the regular netminders had previously announced their intention to stay away. Ottoman was sick, Pig Farming Goalie had another commitment, and Lobsterboy suddenly put his playing career on hiatus after a spousal ultimatum.
The creaseminding crustacean's surprise demise stunned the roadsters, as he announced his furlough only days after issuing a challenge to Pig Farming Goalie to determine the game's superior shotstopper. But some of his fellow veterans said they could see it coming.
"The writing was on the wall," said Lak Attack, who'd brought his own goalie equipment on Sunday in case his shotstopping services were required. "It was only a matter of tim
e, with all the time he's been spending in bars. It got out of control, and I don't think he's gonna be around the game much longer."
"It's just, oh yeah, no big surprise," said Wink. "He's an oldtimer. He's kinda yesterday's news. He's done a lot of great things for the game, but he's kind of a used-to-be."

Despite the thinner goaltending ranks, the roadsters remain optimistic the game will survive Lobsterboy's departure.
"Even with Lobsterboy out, the goaltending has just gotten better," said Lak Attack, citing the contributions of the two neophyte netminders, Ottoman and Pig Farming Goalie. "I think the game is getting a lot stronger and the goaltending has been a key to that."
"I don't think there are any more goalie crises because we've got such a good group of guys," said Wink. "There's always somebody willing to step up and give it their all."