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The Kid is stopped by ER in Sunday's opening game. But that didn't happen enough, as the young sniper and his teammates romped to a 20-6 win.

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Week 4
Inconsolable

Lack of result little consolation

by Jay Suburb

It started as a game that some of the roadsters didn't even want to play. It ended as a game that none of them wanted to win.

Sunday's minigame to ten was finally called after six overtimes, when neither team was able to score the two-goal margin to declare a winner. The game was consolation for an earlier one-sided 20-6 romp by a side stacked with the offensive might of Lak Attack, the Kid and Elvis.

But with no result to show for their efforts on the young season's first soggy day, some of the roadsters were inconsolable as they trudged off the slippery courts.

"It feels kinda weird," says Elvis, "sort of a lack of closure, I guess."

"It didn't matter," says Bird. "Afterall, the game doesn't really count."

Their post-game ennui was a marked contrast to the intense, seesaw battle on the courts in which each side clawed back from the brink time and again.

"It was back and forth," says Ottoman, who made his first start of the season in Sunday's opener. "Both sides wanted to win it really bad."

Some of the roadsters questioned whether the game should have been played at all.

"Road hockey is about drawing the sticks once, playing once, playing to 25 and getting the goals, and anybody who doesn't agree with that is just wrong," says Wink, who had packed up to leave after his side's opening game rout but was enticed to stay by the pleas of his fellow roadsters. "I think I was an idiot; I should have gone home."

"You're just looking to kill some time until the afternoon game," says Bird, who perfects his knack for bouncing rebounds in off his stick with the PM minor leaguers.

Still, says Elvis, much like the 16-16 indecisive draw in Sunday's minigame, nobody wins when a consolation game even has to be played. Except maybe the game itself.

"It sorta evened the playing field and canceled out any bitching that may have occurred after the first game."

 

Sunday's opener was a quick, brutal affair in which the game's offensive stars made short work of their overmatched opponents.
"It was fun being on the team I was on," said Elvis, who enjoyed a rare chance to play on a line with the Kid and Lak Attack. It was an opportunity they easily converted to goals.
"It was like an all-star team," said Ottoman, who barely broke a sweat between the pipes as his mates wheeled freely at the far end of the courts. "It was a fast team
. The guys were making passes that you don't even see at the end of the season."
"You can set up nicer plays, it's a little less gritty and you can try a few more things," said Elvis.

With such offensive power pressing the play at the far end, Ottoman's first start of the season was hardly a test. But that's just the way he, and his teammates, wanted it.
"I was trying to psyche the players out a bit by telling them I hadn't been playing, try to get them to take it easy on me," said Ottoman, who spent his off-season achieving unsanctioned sex.
"We were playing for Ottoman," said Wink, who enjoyed his own brief flirtation with unsanctioned sex late last season. "We were really trying to help him along because anytime a roadster gets unsanctioned sex you wanna make sure he keeps getting unsanctioned sex."
But Ottoman was full value for his first win, said Elvis. "If he was rusty, he certainly didn't show it, as he played a pretty good game."

At the other end of the court, ER struggled early in his second consecutive emergency start. He got the call after Pig Farming Goalie was a late scratch, claiming illness.
"He had a pretty rough game out there today," said Elvis of the replacement rearguard. "He was definitely shaky at the beginning."