Wink dumps Rudy early in Sunday's first game. But it was the notorious gameshow host gone bad who was feeling the pain, after his team lost both games, 20-10 in the opener, and 15-11 in the consolation capper.


Week 17
Double trouble

Gameshow host gets mad after double drubbing

by Jay Suburb

Wink hates to lose. And when he loses twice on the same day, contestants are advised to give the notorious gameshow host gone bad a wide berth.

"Losing sucks," says the veteran slapshooter after a double drubbing Sunday, 20-10 in the opener, and 15-11 in the consolation capper. "It makes me angry all week. I may have to beat up some of my coworkers."

But first, he may want to have a word with his teammates, who never got on track after falling behind 5-1 at the end of the day's first period. Elvis, who usually owns the boards, could barely make the rent, as he was consistently knocked off the ball or outmaneuvered by weaving wingers. Chief, an impact player in his Sunday Morning debut six weeks ago, barely registered a tremor as, time and again, he got caught behind the play. Even the addition of superstar centerman, Lak Attack, in a trade for Paul One, couldn't change the flagging fortunes of his miserable mates.

"I think we just got outclassed," says Wink. "We didn't play defense, we didn't do a lot of things. We just had to check a little bit better."

"There was not a lot of backchecking," says Chief, who saw the backs of a lot of jerseys, as opposing forwards streaked past him all morning. "People were keeping their heads down, there was no real hustle."

That lazy defense left beleaguered backstop, Ottoman, to the mercy of speedy opportunists like the Kid, and Rudy, who rarely fanned their scoring chances.

"There was a lot of speed out there today," says the sophomore shotstopper, who didn't stand much of a chance against the offensive onslaught. "They've got guys who are good around the net, they've got good hands, so if they get it, they know where they're going to put it."

"We were getting goals scored against us by all kinds of people in all kinds of ways," says Wink. "They've got guys like Rudy out there, he's out there dancin', doing all that Rudy stuff. And Bird has been hotter than a pistol."

"The other team was just tic-tac-toeing," says Chief. "They played their positions well, they had their system down and they played it to a tee."

Establishing their gameplan early was the key, says Gump, who backstopped his team to both wins despite some shaky moments. "We started off strong, and I think we took their legs away right there."

"I think we were all going hard," says Rudy, who returned to the road hockey courts for the first time since off-season ankle surgery. "You can't be lazy even for a minute, or else it's a goal. We were able to score when we had the chances."

The Stick Pull (Chief)
Gump (G) Ottoman(G)
Kid Elvis
Living Legend Paul One
Bird Nibs
Rudy Chief
Lak Attack Wink
  Cowboy Bill
Scratches: Slick (legal problems), PFF (exploitative employer), Lobsterboy (domestic duties), Billy Idol (back injury), Colonel (unsanctioned injury), New Guy (knee injury), Giebelhaus (exploitative employer), Beetle Boy (exploitative employer)


Ottoman's pair of losses were the exclamation points to an already bad day for the comeback creaseminder. His arrival to his first start in six weeks was delayed by a flat tire, and then he was felled by a groin injury when his legs splayed out from under him during a scramble in his crease.
"It was tough," said the sophomore shotstopper of his rough return. "You feel like crap if you can't even get one win in two games."
But his teammates didn't do much to help their seclusive shotstopper, said Wink. "The guy I feel bad for is Ottoman, he played his groin out. We just didn't play very well for him."

At the other end, Gump struggled in his seventh consecutive start, as he frequently fanned on long shots, once even directing a clearing pass into his own net after he tried to kick it into the corner.
"I'm definitely not proud of it," said the veteran creaseminder.
But with his mates achieving success in the offensive zone, he said he wasn't worried.
"It's one of those things, when you see the offense step it up, you kinda feel you don't have to stand up quite as tall."

After the lopsided opener, the sticks were redrawn for the consolation capper. The net result was only two players swapping sides, as Lak Attack went to the underdogs in exchange for Paul One.
"Lak has that leadership, people just feel a lot stronger when they have him on their team," assessed Gump of the trade. "He gave the other team a boost."
"That made the other team a whole bunch of big guys, everyone on that team had size," said Rudy.
"Nothing against Paul One, but Lak is one of the premiere players in the game," said Ottoman. "He brought some jump to our team."
A jump that propelled them to an early lead in the consolation capper. But Lak Attack couldn't do it all himself, as his team faded after holding a 9-8 advantage.
"Lak's the greatest player in the game, but it's a lot to ask one guy to make that big a difference," said Wink.
"We got out to a good start, but it only lasted so long," said Ottoman. "There wasn't much we could do to hold them off."
"We still had our speed," said Rudy, of his team's consolation comeback. "Luckily Bird and Kid were finding each other all day."