Cowboy Bill takes a break after scoring a career-high four goals to lead his team to a hard-fough 25-22 win in Sunday's game.


Week 22
Cowboy busts out

Rodeo rookie lassoes four to lead team

by Jay Suburb

With a lineup featuring Lak Attack, the Kid, Unabomber and Paul One, Cowboy Bill knew his team had a lot of firepower. But he didn't expect he'd be the key triggerman.

The rodeo rookie scored a career-high four goals, more than he'd totaled in all his previous games, to lead his team of speedy superstars to a hard-fought 25-22 win in Sunday's game.

"It was definitely the best game I've played offensively this year," says Cowboy Bill, who took three games to score his first goal. "We knew we had a lot of firepower today, especially when I can chip in with a few goals."

That firepower may have worked to Cowboy Bill's advantage. As beleaguered defenders scurried to keep up with the ever-elusive Lak Attack and Kid, and dodged the blistering blasts from the point by Unabomber, Cowboy Bill roamed quietly at the top of the crease, waiting for opportunity to come his way.

"I didn't have to do any work, just keep my stick on the concrete and deflect the ball into the net," says Cowboy Bill of his offensive barrage.

"Nobody was covering him," says Lobsterboy, who won his second straight game since returning from a two-month absence.

Indeed, says notorious gameshow host gone bad, Wink,, Cowboy Bill may have slipped through the cracks as his side keyed their defense to stifle their opponent's snipers.

"I think we did a decent job on Lak Attack, and a decent job on the Kid, but we maybe focussed on them too much and that left Cowboy wide open," says Wink.

"We really shut down Lak Attack today, only to open up Cowboy Bill," says New Guy. "That's the danger of keying your defense on one particular person, you leave others open and they may prove to be the hero."

Albeit a hero humbled by his sudden touch for scoring goals.

"Offense will come my way when it needs to," says Cowboy Bill of his breakout game. "It lets my teammates know that I'm not a weak link on offense out there."

The Stick Pull (Living Legend)
Gump(G) Lobsterboy(G)
Beetle Boy Lak Attack
Nibs Paul One
New Guy Cowboy Bill
Living Legend Kid
Wink Unabomber
Elvis Bird
Scratches: Slick (legal problems), Billy Idol (neck injury), Colonel (unsanctioned injury), Giebelhaus (exploitative employer), Ottoman (unsanctioned sex), Pig Farming Goalie (exploitative employer), Rudy (healthy)


Cowboy Bill's four goals came at the expense of Gump, who had recruited the rookie roadster halfway through the season.
Slow and awkward when he first joined the league, Cowboy Bill's seemed settled into a defensive role, cutting off streaking forwards along the boards, digging hard in the corners.
"You can't win a game without working hard in your own end, it will always pay off in offensive opportunities in the other end," said Cowboy Bill of his patient progression to a scoring threat.

"You need that third guy to step up and score goals for you," said Lobsterboy of Cowboy Bill's newfound confidence in the offensive zone. "He had a great game, and we're gonna have to watch him from now on."
"You have to shut him down," said New Guy of his new nemesis. "He's like the Birdman, he's gonna have his game where he gets a lot of goals."

Cowboy Bill's emergence as a scoring threat came just in the nick of time, as Lak Attack struggles to convert his freewheeling play into goals continued. The speedy superstar has been regularly outscored by less prolific teammates in recent weeks, and his frustration is starting to show. He battled hard along the boards with New Guy, culminating in a desperate charge from behind when the feisty forward got around him to break in alone on Lobsterboy.
"He did a lot of running, but not much playmaking," said New Guy of Lak Attack's lament.

While Lak Attack's mates were able to get him the win, another star enduring a mid-season swoon wasn't so lucky. Elvis lost his third straight game despite breaking out of the scoring slump that had dogged him in his last two outings.
"It doesn't seem to be going his way," said New Guy of his tormented teammate. "He wasn't his usual dominating self. He tends to play well when he's really grinding it out, fighting for the ball along the boards, and he's not winning those battles like he was earlier in the season."

Overshadowed by Cowboy Bill's breakout game were the seven goals scored by one of Sunday Morning's venerable veterans, Wink. The fellow founding father seems to have regained his blistering blast that had intimidated defenders for years, but was mostly sailing wide and high earlier in the season.
"I think it's the great equalizer," said the notorious gameshow host gone bad of his fearsome fullisade. "It just happens so quick and it's so demoralizing. It's like machismo against machismo; it really affects the goalie's manhood."
And that manhood is important to Lobsterboy, who was felled early in Sunday's game when a searing shot glanced off his protective cup.
"It always starts off in practice, when Wink beans one off my head or my hand, and for the rest of the game I'm fearing him," said the creaseminding crustacean of Wink's confidence-sapping slapshot.
"I pretty much own Lobsterboy," said Wink.