The Stick Pull (Living Legend)
Scratches: Slick (legal problems), Billy Idol (neck injury), Colonel (unsanctioned injury), Giebelhaus (exploitative employer), Ottoman (unsanctioned sex), Pig Farming Goalie (exploitative employer), Rudy (healthy)
Cowboy Bill's four goals came at the expense of Gump, who had recruited
the rookie roadster halfway through the season.
Slow and awkward when he first joined the league, Cowboy Bill's seemed settled into a defensive role, cutting off streaking forwards along the boards, digging hard in the corners.
"You can't win a game without working hard in your own end, it will always pay off in offensive opportunities in the other end," said Cowboy Bill of his patient progression to a scoring threat.
"You need that third guy to step up and score goals for you," said Lobsterboy of Cowboy Bill's newfound confidence in the offensive zone. "He had a great game, and we're gonna have to watch him from now on."
"You have to shut him down," said New Guy of his new nemesis. "He's like the Birdman, he's gonna have his game where he gets a lot of goals."
Cowboy Bill's emergence as a scoring threat came just in the nick
of time, as Lak Attack struggles to convert his freewheeling play into
goals continued. The speedy superstar has been regularly outscored by
less prolific teammates in recent weeks, and his frustration is starting
to show. He battled hard along the boards with New Guy, culminating in
a desperate charge from behind when the feisty forward got around him
to break in alone on Lobsterboy.
"He did a lot of running, but not much playmaking," said New Guy of Lak Attack's lament.
While Lak Attack's mates were able to get him the win, another star
enduring a mid-season swoon wasn't so lucky. Elvis lost his third straight
game despite breaking out of the scoring slump that had dogged him in
his last two outings.
"It doesn't seem to be going his way," said New Guy of his tormented teammate. "He wasn't his usual dominating self. He tends to play well when he's really grinding it out, fighting for the ball along the boards, and he's not winning those battles like he was earlier in the season."
Overshadowed by Cowboy Bill's breakout game were the seven goals scored
by one of Sunday Morning's venerable veterans, Wink. The fellow founding
father seems to have regained his blistering blast that had intimidated
defenders for years, but was mostly sailing wide and high earlier in the
"I think it's the great equalizer," said the notorious gameshow host gone bad of his fearsome fullisade. "It just happens so quick and it's so demoralizing. It's like machismo against machismo; it really affects the goalie's manhood."
And that manhood is important to Lobsterboy, who was felled early in Sunday's game when a searing shot glanced off his protective cup.
"It always starts off in practice, when Wink beans one off my head or my hand, and for the rest of the game I'm fearing him," said the creaseminding crustacean of Wink's confidence-sapping slapshot.
"I pretty much own Lobsterboy," said Wink.