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Pig Farming Goalie enjoys the taste of victory, after beating his netminding nemesis, Lobsterboy, 20-6, in Sunday's first Six-Pack Challenge.

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Week 24
Six-pack slaughter

Pig Farming Goalie enjoys taste of victory

by Jay Suburb

Pig Farming Goalie enjoys the taste of victory. Especially when it comes in an ice cold can.

The agrarian goaltender and his speedy mates overcame a sluggish start to rout their overmatched opponents, 20-6 and claim the boozy bounty in Sunday's Six-pack Challenge.

"Beer taste very good," says Pig Farming Goalie, sipping his cream ale conquest. Especially since the Challenge had been issued by his netminding nemesis, Lobsterboy, who was emboldened by a string of wins since returning to the crease from a two-month hiatus.

"We've had tough rivalry all time," says the agrarian goaltender of his creaseminding competitor. "Lots of talk from Lobsterboy, but his team just couldn't stand up to barrage."

"This is just embarrassing all over," says Lobsterboy of his humiliation. "I had an awful game. I couldn't do anything."

He wasn't alone. After jumping to a quick 1-0 lead, Lobsterboy and his team of big-shooting veterans offered little resistance to their speedy, freewheeling rivals, who were able to run unchecked into the corners and execute the give-and-go with lethal accuracy.

"We were the Keystone Cops for hockey," says Lobsterboy. "Our defense wasn't working, they had guys waiting on the open wing. Nothing went right today."

"It was tough, because at the beginning of the game we were rolling right along," says Billy Idol, who accounted for two of his team's six goals. "We were running for the first two or three shifts, but I guess we just ran out of gas. We didn't get back on defense."

"We got the opening goal, but we had a porous defense," says Paul One, who was visibly agitated by his side's anemic effort. "We just came out so flat. We didn't play well in front of Lobsterboy, and he didn't play all that well behind us. It added up to a one-sided loss for sure."

In fact, it was the most lopsided game of the season. And once the winners took control, they weren't about to let up.

"It took a little bit to start gelling," says Pig Farming Goalie. "We had two dominant lines out there. Our team just pass real fast, tic-tac-toe. We put them away."

"Everything was working," says Elvis, who teamed with a pair of Sunday Morning newcomers, Roach and a player to be nicknamed later, to spark much of their side's offensive barrage. "Pretty much every pass we made, every shot we took, it all worked. They were obviously no match for our lines."

"We really kept the pace going," says Beetle Boy, who scored a career-high five goals. "We got more into the groove of the game. It just came together. Everybody was contributing."

And when it was over, everybody got to share in the pilsner prize.

"It was pretty nice to take the win for PFG," says Elvis.

"Our team happy we win bigtime," says Pig Farming Goalie. "Mostly it's good to get beer."

The Stick Pull (Roach)
Lobsterboy (G) Pig Farming Goalie (G)
Bird Living Legend
Paul One Elvis
Cowboy Bill Roach
Billy Idol Kid
Gump Beetle Boy
Unabomber Terry (nickname TBA)
Nibs  
Scratches: Slick (legal problems), Lak Attack (shocking inexplicable absence), Colonel (unsanctioned injury), Giebelhaus (exploitative employer), Ottoman (unsanctioned sex), Wink (exploitative employer), New Guy (healthy)

 

Sunday's lopsided score presented unique challenges to both teams.
Frustrated by their inability to stem the offensive tide washing through their porous defense, Sunday's losers started to lash out at each other.
"It's just out of frustration," said Paul One of a heated exchange with his goalie late in the game, in which each blamed the other for their poor effort. "I know Lobster is a pretty intense guy, and he hates to lose. I'm the same."
"The goalies go through a lot, and you try to support them," said Billy Idol. "Today was probably the worst game I've seen."
At the other end of the court, the victors found themselves battling a different demon, boredom.
"We eased up out there, we sorta had to back off a little bit," said Elvis. "We were getting bored scoring so many goals."
"You really do have to stay focussed," said Beetle Boy. "You've got to keep it in your mind that huge comebacks can happen quite a lot in this game. Nothing is safe in this league."
"Towards end of game, I fall asleep," said Pig Farming Goalie, who paid for his inattention by giving up a pair of late goals to an opportunistic Gump. "I was hoping for storybook fairy tale ending. It was a little disappointing."

Beetle Boy's bounty of goals was unexpected, especially after he missed last week's game to stay dry. But he didn't have to do much to score them, just stand at the side of the net, unchecked, and wait for his linemates to feed him pinpoint passes.
"We were clicking really well today, we just seemed to be able to get open and make the key passes," said the six-legged scorer, who's reputation as a fair-weather roadster continues to dog him into his second season. "I just seemed to be able to find myself alone a couple of times and was able to finish it off."

The Six-pack Slaughter was also the debut of a pair of new recruits, Roach, and another player to be nicknamed later. And while their status as long-term roadsters is yet to be determined, their linemate left little doubt about their contribution to their side's resounding win.
"They may be rookies in this game, but they're obviously really good players," said the hard-nosed speedster of his neophyte linemates. "They made me look good out there. It wasn't too hard to make it work."

Eventhough Lobsterboy lost the Six-pack Challenge, at least one roadster thought he scored a moral victory by showing up.
"At least he stood up this year and show up," said Pig Farming Goalie, who was left wallowing at the altar at last year's first scheduled Six-pack Challenge, when Lobsterboy unexpectedly retired only a week after issuing the pronouncement. "I was wondering what happened last year. He tuck his testicles up into shell and run away."